Skip to content

Day 16: Speaking kindly to the Wife & Having a Concern with Ones Appearance

Day 16 – Bite Size Ramadan – 1437 A.H. – Miraath Publications

Audio: Day 16 – Bite Size Ramadan 1437 – Speaking kindly to the Wife & Having a Concern with Ones Appearance
Urdu Audio: 16 bv pyari baate hulya sanwarna 1437

PDF Download: Day 16 – Speaking kindly to the Wife & Having a Concern with Ones Appearance
Urdu PDF Download: 16 bv pyari baate hulya sanwarna 1437

Speaking kindly to the Wife & Having a Concern with Ones Appearance

تطيب القول لزوجة والعناية بالمظهر أمامها

by Shaykh Muhammad Ali Farkoos[1]

Translated by Abbas Abu Yahya

‘Speaking kindly to the wife & Having a Concern with Ones Appearance in front of her: this is something which she likes in you just as you like in her.

Ibn Katheer -Rahimullaah- said describing the condition of the Prophet – sallAllaahu alayhi wa sallam – with his wives the Mothers of the believers whereby he said:

‘From the manners of the Prophet – sallAllaahu alayhi wa sallam – was that he would have beautiful companionship and would always be joyful, he would be playful with his family and treat them affectionately, he would be generous in spending on them, he would make his wives laugh, he would even run a race with ‘Aeysha the mother of the believers to show love towards her.’[2]

There is no doubt that hurting and victimisation by words and actions, having a frown and sulky face, scowling and frowning when one sees his wife, keeping away from her and inclining to spending time with other people negates good companionship. Qurtubi -Rahimullaah- said about the meaning of the Ayaah:

وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ

<< and live with them in kindness>> [Nisa: 19]

It means: to live with them with good companionship upon what Allaah has commanded with . . . . and that is to fulfill her rights from the dowry and to spend upon her, not to frown in her face except if she has committed a sin, to be cheerful whilst speaking and not coarse and crude, or harsh-hearted, nor appearing to incline to other than her. . . . Allaah – Subhanahu-  commanded to have good companionship with women if  a person takes the contract of marriage to associate with them and to show affection between them and companionship upon perfection; since this is calmer for the soul and wholesome and healthy for living.’[3]

From what also negates good companionship is leaving off a concern with ones appearance and a good form.  Ibn Abbas -Radhi Allaahu anhu- said: ‘Indeed I love to beautify myself for my wife just as I love that she beautifies herself for me; this is because Allaah -Azza wa Jal- said:

وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ

<<  And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable>> [Baqarah : 228]

So the beautification of men fluctuates according to their  circumstances and ages; so they work to become fit and skilled, they should dress in clothing which is befitting. They should use perfume and cleansing of the mouth and use a Miswak etc to remove excess food between the teeth. He should remove that which clings to the body of bad smells and dirt, take off excess hair, trim fingernails, senior people should dye their hair, wearing a ring and other matters which fulfil the rights, so that she is pleased with this beautification and causes her to abstain from other men.’

[From ‘al-Mua’een fee Bayaan Haqqooq az-Zojjayn’ p.44-46 by Shaykh Muhammad Ali Farkoos]

[1] Shaykh Muhammad Ali Ferkoos was born in Algeria in 1374 A.H. His specialty is Principles of Fiqh.

Shaykh Rabee bin Hadi al-Madkhali said about him in his book ‘Hukm al-Muthairaat fil Islaam’:

‘The scholars of the Sunnah in every region regard demonstrations and protests as Haram -and praise belongs to Allaah- and at the head of them is the Allaama AbdulAziz bin Abdullaah bin Baz the previous Mufti of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, the Allaama Muhammad bin Salih al-Uthaymeen, the committee for the senior scholars and at the head of them is the current mufti of the Kingdom AbdulAziz bin Abdullaah Alaa Shaykh, the noble Shaykh Salih bin Fawzaan Al-Fawzaan, the noble Shaykh Salih al-Luhaydaan, the Muhadith of Shaam Muhammad Nasir uddeen al-Albaani, the scholars of the Sunnah in Yemen and at the head of them Muqbil al-Wadi’aee and the scholars of Algeria and at the head of them Shaykh Muhammad Ali Ferkoos.

May Allaah have mercy upon those who passed away and may Allaah protect and make them firm upon the Sunnah those who remain from them.  May Allaah keep the Muslims away from Bida and al-Fitn that which is apparent from those and what is hidden.’

[2] Tafseer Ibn Katheer 1/466

[3] ‘Tafseer al-Qurtubi’ 5/97